Let the Good Times Roll

The Good Period

Here we are again at the good phase.  This week was tough for me, mentally.  I think I had higher expectations for managing symptoms than I ultimately experienced...and you know how I feel about underperforming.  In retrospect, it was certainly better than the same period in Round One but in the moment I was very disappointed to have mouth sores, the associated trouble eating, and bone pain from the shots Scott has to give me.  The fatigue I can manage (I'm a very good lounger.)  

I went into the low period hopeful that I could avoid the mouth sores - that's probably the worst side effect for me - and the preventative mouth washes did stave them off until Monday, which means I had them for 5 fewer days, but once they hit it was a real emotional blow and it left me feeling defeated and like I couldn't possibly do this 4 more times.  The low this time was low inside and out.

Several Wins

Though I spent much of this week feeling sorry for myself, there were several positives.  I did manage to prevent the constipation and bloating I experienced before; I didn't lose weight because I was more thoughtful about eating; I was more active (not hugely active...this is a low bar); I didn't have low potassium and phosphate numbers, which means I didn't have to drink this disgusting powdered supplement that tastes like salty oranges; I didn't get a yeast infection in my mouth, which means I didn't have to drink this disgusting creamy medicine that tastes like fake cherry grossness; and we did a much better job of keeping a daily log of what I experience so we'll be even more knowledgeable for the next round.  Not bad for a week's work, I'd say.

And my blood work bounced back.  An interesting realization that we had related to the white blood cell counts, which is one key element of the blood work that they're tracking.  Our oncology team always refers to the nadir, which for me is sometime on the Monday that follows my finishing the chemo round.  I understood that to mean my lowest point (you know, knowing the definition of nadir and all)...what we learned this week is that they are not using that term loosely - they don't just mean low; they mean zero.  When I hit my nadir, my white blood cell count is zero.  I am producing zero white blood cells.  A normal human (like some of you reading this blog) produces between 5,000 and 10,000 white blood cells.  I'm not trying to science here but.....isn't that amazing?  The shots Scott gives me for the 9 days post-chemo stimulate my bone marrow to produce more blood cells and by Friday I am back up.

The Moral of this Story

But let's get back to the good.  In an earlier post I was lamenting that the "good" period didn't seem that great and I now understand that it's not called the "great period"...it's not a period in which I'm back to my normal, pre-chemo self; it's simply the best phase of the three, a phase in which I can eat whatever I want, try to gain weight, I don't have bone pain or mouth sores, and I can increase my walking so as to build my muscles back up a bit.  Oh, and I can go out in public.  It's little things.  And I'll take 'em!  My body is being put through the wringer but so far it is still bouncing back and mostly upright, though perhaps a bit stunned.  And that sounds a lot like normal life.